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andddddd breakindown

it feels like everything ive been doing, has been going all down hill from here, wish i could have one thing go right… i almost feel like giving up…  cause id rather be numb n drunk not able to feel all these feelings n shit…

“… and if I try hard enough to hold onto it, it will maybe never end, the way it feels like my time with you never ended, the way it’s still going on in the background…”

“And I will wonder forever it i’ll see you again, or for six days, or for eight months, or for five years, or for the rest of my horrible, beautiful life. And other things will happen to me that are just as amazing and lovely and traumatizing as you have been, and I will tell you none of them. Maybe and sometimes I try to stop speculating the future, out of existence  and other times I just lean back and run with it because maybe it’s for the best.”